I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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