lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm having to shit out rocks
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