I wanna bring you to show and tell
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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