Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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