omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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