So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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