No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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