so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Someone shit on the floor
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you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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