Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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