Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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