absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize