Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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