apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize