I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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