im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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