He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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