so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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