they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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