there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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