she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize