somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize