my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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