paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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