It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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