At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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