You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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