Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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