Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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