Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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