Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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