I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize