Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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