Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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