she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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