lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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