I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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