I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize