woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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