she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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