No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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