Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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