I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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