I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i think i just lost a toe
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize