You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize