You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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