I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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