I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize