uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize