Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize