Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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